More Perils of Online Dating

Here are some quality selections from my dating website emails.  Did you notice each of them is just one line long?

I’m looking for sexual foreplay and massage. Is that what ur looking for?


Do you date older men? I’d love to hear from you,

I need my floride, and that would be Y O U! I love you

This is the best one by far.  How could one IM session piss a girl off so much?  Read on, and by the by, my thoughts are in italics…

Shenae:  Hi
*** Waiting for Douchebag to connect
*** Douchebag’s IC window is open
Douchebag:  hi
Shenae:  I just emailed you and then i saw that you were online
Douchebag:  yeah, ijust read it thanks
Douchebag:  no, you shouldnt be worried, i am harmless
Shenae:  lol (edited)
Douchebag:  for sure
Douchebag:  you seem to have a great body (is that a compliment?)
Douchebag:  do yo hav emore pics>? (I should have logged off here, plus he can’t type)
Shenae:  well thank you
Shenae:  just pics of me in clothes (hint hint, perv)
Douchebag:  ok
Shenae:  were you looking for a specific kind of pic?
Douchebag:  not really…i just think you have  a hot body from what i can see in your pics (alert, alert, he said it again, code red)
Shenae:  well thank you again
Douchebag:  what r u doign home tonight? (is this lol catz or can this mofo just not type?)
Shenae:  you are definitely easy on the eyes
Shenae:  i am relaxing
Shenae:  i have to work tomorrow afternoon
Shenae:  what are you doing?
Douchebag:  thanks honey
Douchebag:  not much, ijust got got home
Shenae:  what do you do for a living, if you don’t mind me asking?
Douchebag:  work for a ****  (edited)
Douchebag:  and you
Shenae:  at a **** (edited)
Shenae:  and i work **** (edited)
Douchebag:  sounds nice
Shenae:  errr, it’s tough
Shenae:  i work at night most of the time
Douchebag:  what r u looking for on this site (what the…)
Shenae:  a relationship
Shenae:  and you?
Douchebag:  having fun, hooking up
Shenae:  ah okay (shut ‘er down, he’s a flake)
Shenae:  well it was nice chatting with you
Douchebag:  likewise
*** Douchebag’s IC window is closed

Online dating is oodles of fun.  If you could see my face, there would be a huge fucking smirk on it.