Dating and Blogging or How Not to Get a Girl

It’s obvious that I blog, and have been doing it for some time.  I talk about a lot of things that can, and are viewed by friends, family and anyone that can search on Google.  I have no problems with this because it’s therapeutic for me.  Besides, the voices in my head tell me what to type.  All joking aside, my blogging world has reared it’s ugly head in the dating world.  I signed up for a new matchmaking web site and in less than a few days, I already received an email from one of the world’s worst dating candidate.  Imagine my face as I read this email:

Hello Shenae

Hello…I am Mr.Freak of Dating Nature. I’ve been in Florida about six months now. My direct e-mail is A******* Hope to hear from you soon. If my picture didn’t post…I can send it. ciao!

PS…we seem to have a few things in common…we’re tall, we like British things (I like my Rover)…I like bangers and mash too (& flaky chocolate), both born in Nov & both use to live in B’more. I suppose “Cheers” is more in order.  Dating Freak

I write him back and this is my response along with his:


Dating Freak,

1. How do you know my name?

2. How do you know I lived in Baltimore?

1. I’m a computer professional, meaning I have my masters-degree in computer science. I currently work as a Senior Network Engineer. I simply googled your unique name: Achixanthem.

2. You have a website–> and you posted a blog there which goes back to 2002. I have, but its more of a work or private business venture website.

3. You have a spam page and you have comments on Ivo’s spam page.

4. You have photo’s posted on Flickr via your rather unique user name “Achixanthem” ( ) Photography is something I’ve done for more than 20 years now. I use to be a photojournalist in Europe in fact. I still do quite a bit of photography, video, graphics, audio production and website work.

5. You posted your name and I think your birthdate Nov 20th online…so everything was pretty much public info.

Shenae, In any instance…this didn’t go the way I expected it to and since your focus seems to be on how I found out about you rather than what I think about you or you about me. I suppose deductive reasoning would ‘perhaps’ indicate the lack of interest on your part. I won’t write or otherwise bother you again unless you write me back. With that said…take care & no worries. Cheers! Dating Freak

Yeah it didn’t go the way you expected, because you’re a freak of dating nature. But I digress…he seemed harmless so I responded to his email:

Dating Freak,

I am the type of person who doesn’t Google people I’m interested in dating. I like to get know them through conversation and spending time with them. So it was odd and a little frightening to have someone who I’ve never met address me by my name and know where I used to live. I think I understand why you researched me, but I don’t approve. And I don’t think you should follow the same route with other women. Good luck and take care.

~ Shenae

And his answer was:

Hello again, I respect your opinion…but honestly think this has more to do with your “secretive” nature as a Scorpio, than anything else. (I’m a Scorpio also.) In retrospect…experience has taught me to be careful who you allow access to your life via the internet. I am perfectly content with the aspect of agreeing that we disagree. What’s so funny, ironic & interesting is you have a website called with “public-blogs” from 2002, yet you view my simple inquiry as some sort of invasion of privacy.

One of my jobs in the IT field is information security, therefore when someone like yourself has so much public information on the net available…in my view its the same thing as a woman wearing an extremely tight dress and clevage popping out…then she gets angry when (A) Men stare and pay attention to her & (B) When she wears that same dress to a business meeting and wonders why no one takes her seriously.

More so, I don’t agree with the idea of “And I don’t think you should follow the same route with other women”. I think the mistake was perhaps in letting this knowledge become mutual. You should know…I really didn’t research you…as you put it, but instead had a curious disposition as to the name “Achixanthem” which I had never seen before (& I suspect is some play on words). Trust me…had your name been TallnSexy or something more common…it would not have gotten my attention in that same way.

Finally…I had no intention of writing you back, but you wrote me back…so touche. My gut feeling and intuition are both tools which have never failed me. I said this to say…despite my “web inquiry” I don’t think we would have been each other’s “cup of tea” in any case. No doubt you could be classified as an “unconventional woman of color” in many respects, which shouldn’t taken as a good or bad thing…just an observation. With that said, I second your sentiments: “Good luck and take care.”

PS…funny thing is…when I was in Baltimore, I did tons of event photography for various people, organizations, greeks and corporations & worked for the city-govt so your face looks familiar. What comes to mind is one of Gary Grey’s parties. (for what its worth) PEACE!

Oh no he didn’t. Mr. Freak of Dating Nature with no social skills did not just say that? So now I know he is in his own world because I never referenced him as an invader of my privacy.  I emailed him the following:

I don’t have a secretive nature because I blog, and I’ve been blogging before it was ever cool to blog, even before 2002. And I should have clarified my point as to why I understand you looked me up: I know my handle is unique so if someone was curious about it, naturally they would want to look it up. I never stated it was an invasion of privacy. I just said I’m not that kind of person who Googles someone before a date, and that I prefer conversation. This would scare other women to the point of them blocking you or reporting you to the site admin, which is why I sent the email. Even though we disagree about your strategy on beginning a conversation via email, you did not come across as some psychopath. I didn’t want you to do the same thing to another woman and have her freak out and report you.

Take care

Do you know what happened next? He didn’t even read my email. He simply deleted it without reading. I’m sure he’s Googled any woman that he’s interested in before they meet for coffee. And this could never be the reason why he is single. Nope. Not ever. Well, besides the fact that he is not open to another person’s opinions.

So boys and girls, what did we learn from this?  If you have a web page that can be Googled, no matter what you have on the page, or even with the lack of content, it’s public domain.  (I knew that, but I will point out that his email was hidden to protect some of his privacy) We learned that I need to find a way to update my archives.  My site lists the first entry as February 2000 but according to Mr. Freak of Dating Nature, it only goes as far back as 2002.  (By the way, my birthday is November 18th so feel free to start gift shopping now)  We learned that I should post more seductive pictures of myself, boobage and all, so that I can attract more suitors, only to complain and blog about it.  And finally my class of heathens, my handle “achixanthem” is just plain awesome.