Occupy 2012

I got carded on New Year’s Eve while buying a lotto ticket at a bodega. I’m thinking this is going to be a good year. I rarely make resolutions but I’m doing something different this year, so here they are:

  1. Meatless Mondays – Yep, I’m going all pescatarian maybe vegetarian for one day a week. I need to step my game up when it comes to nutrition. For those of you who don’t know me, I would rather have a steak and mashed potatoes than a slice of the best chocolate cake on earth. I ate no meat or poultry today so I think I can make it.
  2. More dinner, less take out – I live in New York fucking City, home to a shitload of fantastic Michelin-starred restaurants and I should take advantage of it. I will take advantage of it.
  3. Update ALL my blogs – I’m not going to lie, I own a plethora of websites. They all need to be revamped, especially this one.
  4. More maintenance, less laziness – I was never one of those girls who gushed over makeup or shoes. As I got older, I started paying more attention to my clothes, skin and hair. When I do my hair and makeup, and I dress nice, men do notice me…and that leads to…
  5. I want a boyfriend, dammit. – I have been single for a looooong time. Yes, it’s been two years months since my last relationship, but before that it was five years two years and before that it was seven years five years, so that means I’ve been single for 14 too many years. It’s been long overdue. I’m a nice person with the body of a 24 year old. It shouldn’t be this hard! I’m throwing caution to the wind by giving online dating one last chance. I know, I know, I hate dating websites but I have got to do this by any means necessary.

Definition of the word “workout”

Workout (noun) The intense conditioning of muscles you never knew you had, by a good-looking personal trainer, which results in not being able to climb stairs, walk or sit down without excruciating pain.

Oh…holy…Jesus.  What was I thinking?  I haven’t excercised in over a year and I thought I would be okay.  I walk to work every day, I look like a model (so I’ve been told…by sober people, thank you very much) so why am I in so much pain?  The trainer looked at me and asked what was I doing there.  I said I needed to add more definition, to keep things fit and to add on weight.  He asked me how much I weigh.  I said 136 pounds but I should be 140 to 145 pounds for my height and age.  He asked me how old I was and I told him I just turned 36.  He was stunned.  This is probably why he pushed me so hard, because I look young.  My knees were screaming to my calves and my glutes put a jihad out on my hamstrings.  When I was finished with the session, I realized just how lazy out of shape I am even though I walk to work every day.  Well that, and the fact that using one of those old lady walkers sounds really good right now.

The Disease of Karma

Yesterday, I left work with a sore gum.  I wake up this morning with two abscesses the size of Manhattan surrounding one tooth.  Just what the Tom Jones is going on here?  I have had hives, toothaches, muscle aches that lasted weeks, and the mother of all flus.  What gives?  I’m not that old, and my last checkup was great.  For some reason, I had plenty of bad karma last year, specifically the last few months.  It’s a new year, and I was hoping this change would be permanent, but now the Tooth Witch got me.  I believe this abscess frenzy is a manifestation of negative energy.  Where that energy is coming from, I don’t know.  Until I figure that out, I will submerse myself in antibiotics and rinse my dirty mouth out with bleach, err, I mean, antiseptic mouthwash.

Vanity

I have always had a problem with my hair. It was never long enough, it was never shiny enough and it was never straight enough. I suffered from dandruff at an early age. In the sixth grade, I used Phisoderm to clean my face and then moisturized with Keri lotion. I looked like I was allergic to shellfish and just ate 12 oysters. It was something with the alkaline ingredients in one of the products that irritated my skin. When I was in junior high school, some girl from gym class borrowed my brush. I woke up to a fungal infection the next day. My mother was livid and I was devastated. I couldn’t perm my hair and had to wait for the flare up to subside. It did and I was okay for a few years. Stress, lack of sleep and a bad food diet aggravated my dandruff, and caused my hair to barely grow. From braids to weaves, I relied on hair extensions on and off for years. So a few months ago, my extensions were irritating my scalp. Also the dandruff flakes had progressed to resemble large scales. I had moulten skin! I went to a dermatologist to get the verdict on my awful hair and scalp. His verdict? I had a fungal infection and seborrhoeic dermatitis. I was sentenced to washing my hair every day with 2 medicated shampoos. Then I had to put some medicated foam on my hairline and behind my ears. It was awful. Black people should never wash their hair everyday because it’s too drying. My hairline looked ten times lighter than my face. For weeks, people stared and I joked it off, saying I had a scalpendectomy. But after a month, my scalp felt better and my hair was growing. After 2 months, I didn’t feel like I was suffering from some sort of Michael Jackson disease because my hairline got it’s color back. And now, 4 months later I feel like a new woman. I got a wonderful haircut at Van Michael Salon 6 weeks ago and I will have to go again next week. My hair has been growing like a weed! I am happier, healthier and blessed, but I still have to wash my hair too much.

I’m alive!

Oh my word…I have never felt so awful in my life.  Scratch that…there was that time when I had bronchitis, strep throat, and aunt flo at the same time. Ick.  But back to the present.  The night before my flight from England, I felt nauseous and bolted to the bathroom.  That feeling and the nasty symptoms lasted 9 days.   I have been eating nothing but soup and toast.  No alcohol.  And no, that wasn’t a stutter, Shenae has had no alcohol for 9 days.  I did see a doctor and I will get some test results to just make sure it wasn’t anything serious.

Enough about that yucky stuff.  How is the employment situation, you ask?  Awful.  If I email my resume for another job, I am going to slit my wrists.  I got frustrated so I am going to some open houses next week.  Also, I emailed my resume to some placement agencies with the intention that they find employment for me.   I am hoping this works.

Such as life…

I am going on suffering through day 4 of Montezuma’s revenge. Oh holy Jesus, this is nasty stuff. After chatting on the phone, cleaning the apartment and watching all the shows saved on tivo, what’s a gal to do? In between the trips to the bathroom, lots of questions pop into my head. Since I have been “let go” from work, what do I do now? What is my ideal career? What am I going to accomplish? And how the fuck did I get the shitters in bloody England? I have been flirting with the idea of working as a housekeeper/cook or a house manager for a family or client for some time. I know without a doubt that I want to live in Europe, preferably London. Since I’m an American, it’s difficult to obtain a UK work visa. Next, I sadly contemplate working somewhere in the US: California, been there, done that; New York, born there, done that; Florida, fake people, nice weather. And that’s when I draw a blank. It’s like the last episode of the Sopranos, just nothing. And then I go to the bathroom…again…

I hacked up a lung

I know you are all concerned about me because of the lack of postings.  I can explain.  I got sick.  I was hacking up stuff and I sounded like one of Marge Simpson’s sisters. You know, the husky smoker voice.  But I am feeling much better now.  I did develop a tolerance for NyQuil, but I digress.  I am heading out tonight to see my good friend Devon today.  He is in town!!!

Feeling alright

Well I am back at work again.  I still feel like crap.  Thank goodness my cable company was offering Showtime and The Movie Channel as a freebie this week.  I already have HBO, Starz and Encore for my digital cable, but it was nice to have a change in pace.  And now I have all the drugs I need to survive for the next two years.  Rite Aid had all the Thera-Flu in the world on sale and I had plenty of coupons.  I also picked up the good Kleenex with the lotion on sale, with coupons, of course.  Let me praise the powers of Vicks Vapor Rub!  Get the cream, because it is greaseless and it evaporates quickly, so your whole house does not smell like Vicks. I did stay up to watch Temptation Island last night.  What a bunch of dumb asses!!!  These people are saying to each other, “Hey, I don’t know about you but I want to dangle hotties in front of you and watch your morals crumble as you are worshiped and chased by them, and then wonder why you kissed them or have fun!” I am so sorry, but these couples have been together for a while.  Let me break it down for you:  The couples are like t-bone steaks.  Then they come to this island filled with filet mignon, rib-eyes, etc.  It’s like fresh meat!  What do you think?

Sick day

I have been at home sick for the last 2 days.  I have sneezing attacks every hour or so.  I blow my nose constantly.  If I have any more soup I am going to puke.  I have this tendency to stress about things that I have no control over and then it manifests into a cold.  Don’t laugh, it’s true.  Anyway, I may have to start exercising more to relieve that stress.  Not that I need to exercise, I just like getting all pumped up. Hopefully I will be back at work tomorrow.

2 more days until my birthday

I made some pork chops with an apple and brandy sauce last night.  It was okay, I mean the chops were great, but I guess I would rather drink the liquor than cook with it.  I got my braces tightened, so it hurts to eat.  Note to self – don’t eat Fritos two days after getting braces tightened.  It’s nothing a little beer can’t handle.  I received my first birthday card this year from Laura.  She is a sweetie. People, just a reminder, my b-day is this Saturday.  Gifts will be greatly appreciated.