shenae.com

Giggling gals and lustful ladies around the world are letting a universal sigh of relief. Why? Because Prince Harry has been chucked (that means dumped for all you Americans) by long-time girlfriend Chelsy Davy. The rumored cause of the break-up was his decision to go to the World Cup Rugby final instead of attending Chelsy’s 22nd birthday party. In Chelsy’s defense, she moved all the way from Zimbabwe to be close to him. In Harry’s defense, it was the rugby finals! What is sad is that ages ago, when I was younger, and not so wiser, I was clingy, dependent, and constantly trying to rush things to the next step. My efforts were fruitless because these guys were not interested in me. And if they were, it didn’t matter anyway because I was ruining the relationship. My point is, maybe Chelsy and Harry are being childish with each other. Do you know what I think? Besides the fact that I fancy ginger-haired young blokes? If it was me, I would have no problem watching rugby and drinking lots of beer with the man I love. We’d definitely score later…

I have met most of my friends way after college, so not too many people know of my social history, let alone my sexual history for that matter. I am thankful to be thought of as the Happy Hour Queen, but more on that in a later post. I met my best friend during freshman year, and suffice it to say, she knows all my secrets. Well, imagine the guffaws and giggles when I told her why I could no longer watch the new television series “Journeyman.” It’s a brilliant series with superb acting, but the main character looks familiar. To be quite honest, he is the spitting image of my first mistake, err, the boy to whom I lost my virginity. Same build, face, and mannerisms as my red-haired, Irish-looking bloke from Taxachusetts. More laughs from the other end of the phone line. It didn’t dawn on me weeks ago when I saw an interview with Kevin McKidd (the actor) because he’s Scottish, so the accent fooled me. But when I watched the show, he had an American accent. At this point, my friend is rolling on the floor with delight. She laughs now but she doesn’t have to suffer seeing a clone of her cherry picker every week on NBC. This is why I believe someone up there hates me.

I got back in one piece from LA, my liver and all. My God, did I party like a rockstar!  My first night, I hung out at the poolside bar (drank too much) and then I went to the Bar at Standard.  Somewhat lame.  I mean, it was great to get in (because I was staying at the hotel) and because some models hit on me. But I was wearing a black skirt, backless top and mules.  Yep, I was overdressed.  I met some great people and decided to go to an after hours club.  The wait was over an hour.  We went to another club and that was cool. I didn’t even pay a cover! The next night, I went to Vynyl.  Very cool.  I was planning on going with someone I met the night before(Mr. Long Beach), but we kept missing each other by phone.  So I was quite surprised when after going to another bar, because the wait was too long, that we walk right towards each other on a side street.  I think it was a sign.  Anyway, that club was way better and I blended in, wearing jeans and a halter top.  The next day, I hit a happy hour, stayed in and chilled with Mr. Long Beach.  My wake up call was at 3 am, so I was not up to going out.  I did eat at some great restaurants and splurged on myself.  Don’t worry, I didn’t spend too much.  All in all, it was a very good trip.  I look forward to going back to California soon.  So is everyone else.  Just don’t know when. I definitely have the vacation days to do it.  I would like to stay in Santa Monica the next time…

I finished my knitting class and my last sewing class is tomorrow.  That means I will be back to my usual posting schedule.  Interesting stuff happened this weekend.  I enjoyed a short, but very nice happy hour party at BAR Baltimore. I am okay with not seeing the sweetest, funniest, and the hottest person there until later next week.  The only thing that annoyed me was that I didn’t get any money for dancing on the bar like the other girls.  On Saturday, after a long day of busting my ass waiting tables, I came home to a scandal with SFWNS.  It’s official, my ex, aptly named MFM, ditched her the same way he ditched me: by not showing up on a scheduled date, not returning phone calls and making no excuse for the asshole behavior.  Picture this, I’m chillin’, about to get my cable tv on and I hear this: “MMAAAARRRRWWWWFFFF!!!” I neglected to tell you that poor SFWNS is deaf, so her pronunciation of words is not enunciated well.  And that MFM lives in the same apartment building. Which brings up another point, why would he even go there, as in date a deaf person, if he was so selfish when he was with me? The only answer I have is that he wanted to do all the talking.  But I digress.  The girl then climbs the fire escape and proceeds to knock on the window.  The lights are on in his place, music is going, and some windows are open.  He is home, I know, I saw him.  No response.  Oh it gets better, trust me. On Sunday, after another grueling nine hour work day, I take my tired butt to bed around 11 pm or so.  SFWNS pops up again, knocking on the door, waking my ass up.  I couldn’t go back to sleep, because I am an evil person and started getting the giggles.  Goodness he is a jerk.  Anyway, she leaves again.  This morning, I bump into my next door neighbor who said SFWNS left him two notes and she heard the whole thing too.  Funny stuff. I guess karma works in mysterious ways.  I hope he dies a lonely bastard.  I’m not bitter.

Things are a little better now.  My happy hour thing was in effect. When I get the pics developed, I’ll post them.  And I have bumped into every guy that I have dated for the past two years in the span of two weeks.  No, that’s only four guys and yes, it’s true, I really don’t get any, as you can tell.  But it is good that I saw them, because now I know how much they suck and how much better off I am without them! I love ignoring The Egomaniac who just never called and then telling him that I just don’t like him.  When Mr. I Asked One of Your Friends On a Date and Lied to You About It tells you he is buying a house, that it is in a crack town part of the neighborhood and it’s all he can afford, things look brighter.  Suddenly, telling him that you found a fixer-upper for next to nothing is wonderful.  But then adding that it is two rowhomes together and that you plan on having a kitchen that Emeril has nothing on, is just fantastic.  It is a great feeling when The Mechanic admits that he screwed things up and he lost a good thing and he doesn’t know what to do.  But the best was seeing Mr. Selfish USA that ditched you getting dumped.  Yeah it was funny because it was 9:00am in the morning and she distinctly said that “It’s been over for weeks! Just leave me alone!”  Life is sweet!!!  Now if I could just stop bumping into my ex MFM (My Favorite Mistake or M****F***ing Mistake) and his new girlfriend, Stick Figure With No Soul, I would be a happier person.

Lots of things happen in the span of two weeks.  My Aunt Lea died.  It was sudden, but she was almost 90 years old.  But before I left for New York, I went to a happy hour.  First, none of my friends were there.  I guess because they are all practically married, I shouldn’t expect them to be there, just don’t send me an email saying you were going to be there and then not show up.  Second, I bump into a guy that remembered me from years ago.  I ignored him, and then I remembered why I was supposed to forget him.  But it gets better!  I am walking from drug store and this guy in a car yells for me.  Since I live in a cracked out neighborhood, I never pay attention to anyone yelling.  I keep walking, and he drives over. I said, “No thank you” and kept walking.  He yells over and says, “Hey, didn’t you have braids and work at a club? Don’t you remember me?” I responded, “Lots of people have braids” and kept walking.  I am not stupid, guys will say anything about cutting or dying your hair and then they jack you.  Then he says “Yeah and you knew Jen and Jeff. You still scrunch your nose up like that and your glasses move”  I kept walking, those are popular names. “Jeff had red hair.  You still don’t remember me?” he asked.  Oh yeah, I remembered him. I remembered hanging out with Jen and Jeff, Paul (the guy in the car) asked for my phone number and never called. “Oh yeah.  What was your name?” I asked.  See boys and girls, I remembered his name and who he was, but to win the game, you have to insult him. “My name is Paul and your name is Nae I think,” he says.  Yeah jerk, that’s my name.  “Yep, that’s my name,” I said. “I was driving the other day, I saw you and walking but I didn’t know it was you,” he adds.  “Oh yeah, I live around here,” I said.  “Yeah I do to.  You look good,” he said.  Yep, that’s right, you lost out, let’s put salt on the wound.  “Well, I gotta go.  See ya around,” I said, smiling, and as he was saying “Wait up!” I walked on.  The moral of the story is never waste your time with a guy who never called back.  It feels good to making them realize they lost a good thing.

I did attend Leslie’s happy hour on Friday. The UPS man was there. Talk about an evil ghost from the past.  It was definitely skank girl night.  What is up with guys staring at skanky women?  It makes no sense.  In fact, I was talking to this guy, who said he was interested, and was staring at this trashy woman.  I actually said “Hey, if you are going to look at another woman while I am talking to you, at least gawk at a chick that is better looking than me.”  Am I making sense?

Let me tell you about Temptation Island 2 on Fox. All of the women on the show are manipulative bitches. And to make matters worse, all the men are whipped! These women don’t know how good they have it with these guys. And I am here, totally single, the least manipulative woman on the face of the planet. It is disgusting. Not to mention half the temptress chicks are chunky or skanky. If I was on that show, forget it, all the guys would want me.

Declaration of a Single Girl:  I, Shenae, being of logical and sound mind, and not to mention, kick-ass body, will hereby execute the following decree. And since all men are not created equal and the ones that are equal are married, gay or dead, I have nothing else better to do. Ahem! I will not give any man my number. I will cherish the fact that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want.  I will always be the third wheel or the fifth wheel and like it.  I will achieve all the things I have wanted to do, by myself. I will not go to bars or clubs. I will prefer knitting instead of sex. And most of all,  I will look forward to dying as a spinster in a house full of cats that I call “my babies.”

I have been cleaning my house slowly but surely for the last few days. Did you know I was a slob? Oh yeah, big time. I just have to mop, clean my tub, do yet more laundry, vacuum my bedroom, and go through the piles of mail I have stacked in the living room. It’s a process that I do every few weeks because I let things slide. Since I started the second job, these few weeks have grown longer and longer. Don’t worry, I will still have time to bake cookies! I have been conversing with Brian about the lack of time thing and the creativity thing. He doesn’t know how talented he is and he suffers from my fear of running out of ideas. Sometimes we all just need reassurance. In other news, I agree with Brooklyn Kid in that not everyone is getting more sex after the terrorist attacks.