shenae.com

Well not really.  The mysterious female voice from the Eagle Eye movie is Julianne Moore.  Damn!  I thought it was Diane Lane.  It doesn’t matter, I’m still going to see it.

The Oscars were awesome last night. Jon Stewart was a wonderful host, especially when he gave the winner of Best Song extra time to make her speech. I love how the top awards went to foreigners and no Americans. There were some awards that I would like to personally give, you know, for fun, so here they are:

Best Baby Bump: Cate Blanchett. She looked like she was carrying JLo’s kids plus here own! She is not due for another few weeks but since this is her third kid, she ballooned up like Kirstie Alley. She was hot in the dress. Mad props to her.

Best Reason to Learn a Foreign Language: Javier Bardem. My goodness, is this man humble, talented and drop dead gorgeous. And I want to learn spanish.

Best Impersonation of a Bag Lady: Tilda Swinton. Come on, Tilda. Step your game up. I loved her in the movie Orlando, I haven’t seen Michael Clayton yet, but damn, it’s the Oscars. She has an amazing body yet she decides to steal a dress from some homeless person and pair it with nice jewelry. What gives?

Best Adaptation: Sarah Lawson. Yep, she turned George Clooney to mush, to the point that they go everywhere together, moved in together and attend awards ceremonies together. Women are pondering the idea of becoming a Las Vegas cocktail waitress to snag a Clooney. Come on, I’ve thought about it. Cocktail waitresses across the country are mesmerized by the fact that she adapted the supreme sample of all mankind into monogamy. You lucky bitch, you.

Best Oscar Snub: Whoopi Goldberg. She hosted the Oscars 4 times, is one of a select few who has won an Oscar, a Tony, a Grammy and an Emmy, yet she had one spot in the Oscars montage. That’s jacked up. She was a pioneer before Oprah, before Halle, before Denzel.

Best WTF Moment: tied between Mylie Cyrus and Gary Busey. Why the heck was Mylie Cyrus invited to the Oscars? For the ratings? Look, she’s a great gal and her tv show is great (yes I’ve seen it, not bad) but she has nothing to do with the Oscars. Gary Busey kissed Jennifer Garner (and it looked liked he was holding on to her too long) on the red carpet. He interrupted Ryan Seacrest’s interview with Garner and Laura Linney and kissed both of them. It was as creepy as my boy Bardem in No Country for Old Men. The look on Garner’s face was a mix of surprise and disgust. Classic!

This film was the kind of visual masterpiece that makes you wish your life looked this glossy.  Keira Knightley and James McAvoy have such carnal magnetism that I’m blushing just thinking about it.  McAvoy has got something, even with Anne Hathaway in Becoming Jane.  By the way, their love scene was the hottest 12 minutes of film I have ever seen.  I needed a cigarette after watching it and I don’t even smoke!  The entire cast kept the story going, so I can see why it was nominated for Best Film instead of all the acting categories, except for Saoirse Ronan.  She was excellent as the naive 13 year old sister to Knightley’s character, who grows into a sage woman, delightfully played by Vanessa Redgrave.  I am totally going to get it on dvd.

Wow.  This film is a stunning account of moral extremes.  Tommy Lee Jones and Josh Brolin  were amazing.  Javier Bardem is wonderfully creepy, cold-hearted, and precise.   For a while,  it was almost like these three characters were symbolic of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, respectively.  Jones’ role of the sheriff was restrained but so knowledgeable.  Brolin was bold yet restrained, and smart but somewhat naive.  And Bardem was just plain spooky.  This man had killing down to a science.  It was an excellent film, although the ending reminded me of the Sopranos finale.  The movie deserved all its accolades.

Finally got to see Juno today.  It was Tuesday so with my card, I got free popcorn.  I used my free movie ticket too.  I love Tuesdays.  But I digress; the movie was spectacular.  It was funny, quirky, touching and wonderfully written.  I enjoyed every minute of it.  Ellen Page totally deserves her Oscar nomination.

I haven’t written anything about the writers’ strike because it hasn’t really affected me. Imagine my face when it was announced that the Golden Globes ceremony is cancelled. This awards ceremony, the Emmys and the Oscar are what I live for each year. I am a movie fanatic and a TV freak, so I was devastated. When the Oscar nominations are announced, I try to see all the movies on the list, and then I make my own betting card. I know, it’s a sickness that I can’t explain. I haven’t done this for three years because I was working so many hours and didn’t have time. Now that I have a job with normal hours, I can walk to the movie theater and get my film on. Do you know what’s even better? Free popcorn on Tuesday nights.  But back to the lecture at hand; I think the studios should cut them a check as back pay and then give them 3% to 5% of royalties from internet, dvd, etc. from this point forward.  Actors get a percentage of royalties from new media sales written into their contract.  The same consideration should be given to writers, after all, it’s their ideas brought to fruition by the producers, actors, crew, etc.  And hurry up with the negotiations.  I don’t want my Oscars to bite the dust.

My Christmas wish list is…

a job….with benefits
a Breville juicer
Ocean’s 13 and the Transformers on DVD
a tricked out MacBook Pro

But I would give up all those things, my left kidney and my first born for my ultimate Christmas gift: Gerard Butler in full “300″ garb, with the shield and spear, in my bed. He has the looks, quit law school for acting and you know how I feel about Scottish men. *prays* Oh Santa, I’ve been a good girl and since I am stuck with 18 months of grand jury duty, I think 24 hours of hot relations with this magnificent man is well deserved.

I know, you haven’t heard from me in a while. I switched companies for my domain name and instead of being a smooth transition, it turned out to be a mess that lasted a few days with no service. It sucked. Anyway, I had an uneventful V-Day. I ate a lot of chocolate, in fact, I was jacked up on chocolate. I was in New York this weekend visiting family. I took my cousin to see that Britney Spears movie “Crossroads.” It wasn’t that bad, and Britney is not a bad actress…she was awful. Well, she is not as bad an actor as Cindy Crawford or Master P. It doesn’t matter because during the first five minutes of the movie, she is dancing and singing in her underwear. And twenty minutes later, she is in a pink bra and panties. Boys across the world will pay any amount of money to see that on the big screen.

I had a very relaxing and organized weekend.  Friday night, I went food shopping and saved eight dollars in coupons.  I made some crab cakes and watched the movie A Knight’s Tale.  On Saturday, I vacuumed, mopped the kitchen floor, did a tremendous amount of laundry, organized my kitchen cabinets, cleaned the bathroom and changed the cat litter box.  I went to Blockbuster and picked up the movie Chocolat.  And my next door neighbor lent me Bridget Jones, so I watched that too.  Do you know what was really cool?  I was wearing my cute little tank and my cute drawstring “after work” pants from the Gap.  So of course I answer the door in them.  The pizza man was drooling.  I looked cuter than Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle and way cuter than Kirsten Dunst in Bring It On.  Yeah, I guess not wearing a bra helps the look.  But I digress…I saw an excellent movie tonight. In fact, I won free passes to it.  I went alone.  That’s another sad factor in my life.  But anyway, it’s called My First Mister.  Lelee Sobieski and Albert Brooks are in it.  Fabulous movie.  You have to see it.